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Can I vent?

Well, honestly, I shouldn't have to ask you, so I'm going to do it anyway.

I'm sick of life. I'm just plain sick of everything there is.

I'm sick of being alone all the time. I hate not having anyone there or any friends. I'm sick of feeling just so stuck in place because I can't turn to anyone and tell them why I'm feeling bad or just simply that I love them.

I'm sick of feeling depressed. I'm sick of this never-ending cold ocean of sadness I'm swimming through and never getting out. I'm sick of not feeling happy. I'm sick of not having truly laughed in a long time without a care just because life was good and I had nothing to worry about. I'm sick of not feeling content and so empty and lost.

I'm sick of everyone mistaking me for some careless teenager who doesn't give a crap. I want people to realize I do care. I'm just sick of people mistaking everything about me. I'm sick of people not knowing me. And I'm sick of people thinking they know me.

I'm sick of feeling like all I need to do is cry so hard, but nothing happens. I'm sick of wasting my energy on just everything.

I'm sick of being stressed and worn down. I'm sick of feeling like a complete failure everyday. I'm sick of knowing that no one will notice anything special in me. I'm sick of looking at me; I just want to die when I look into the mirror.

I'm sick that everything I say comes out wrong and I say what I don't mean. If my heart could speak for me, I'd let it.

I'm sick of waiting for something to come to me, and I'm sick of it never coming and my striving so hard for something I feel that I can never reach.

I don't feel like doing anything. I don't feel like drawing, I don't feel like writing, I don't feel like sleeping, I don't feel like eating, watching TV, playing video games, moving, existing.

I'm just sick of feeling that way.

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I just want one day, only if it's one, to be somewhere else other than here. I want to be on a beach, laying by the ocean and feel gentle, warm rays tickling my cheeks so that they can pull them into a quiet smile. I want to feel sand whiter than snow playing between my toes and fingers, so that I can feel every grain slide against my skin. I want to hear a tranquil noise of hushed whispers from the waves of the ocean laden with white foam and smell sweet, salty air. I want to see a sunset so glorious that I can hardly breathe or move while under its watch, and by painted with its strawberry, orange, and yellow hues. I want to see soft clouds so fluffy and white that I can mistake them for a pillow so I can drift off into sleep by just watching them. I want to get my fingers sticky from the juice of a strawberry Popsicle, and lick away at them with my tongue. I want to drink lemonade so fresh and tart that I get lost in a world of yellow with just one sip. I just want to lay down and breathe in air so clean, that it purifies my whole body in just one breath.

I just want to feel free. Free from everything.


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Sadly, that's what we all want. And wishing won't do any good.